It’s Monday, at 10.45 am. I’m sitting in my practice room, constantly looking outside, sipping from my fifth cup of Earl Grey tea with a drop of lemon juice. My cup is blue. I’m rocking back and forth as I’m writing this. The day has only just begun. After the weekend, I start a little bit later because it takes ages for me and my motivation to boot up. Mondays are hard – especially when my first client of the week has yet to arrive.
Like right now.
I just stopped doing the back and forth rocking. After all this tea, I should be somewhat energetic and even excited right now, but my head is all chaos.
What on Earth am I going to talk about when he’s here? What am I supposed to say the moment he enters the room? What was my plan for this session again? What if there’s going to be an awkward silence and I don’t know what to say? What if the blur I now have in my head persists for the entire duration of the coming session?
Chaos.
Chaos.
Chaos.
My heart is pounding, hands are moist, my eyes feel like I could actually cry. I remind myself that pretty much all of my sessions go well. Emperical evidence proves that I’m actually a great therapist. But I just said it. Pretty much all of my sessions go well. That’s not the same as always. However, Joseph has so far always been a satisfied client. Crap. So far always has been. That means this time could be the first disaster. Alright this isn’t helping. Everything is a total nightmare.
And that ticking clock, reminding me that time waits for no one! I can already imagine the moment that God awful sound of the doorbell blasts through the room. Doo-doong! Doo-doong! Doo-doong! The very thought of it and its inevitability is enough to drive me insane right now. I feel like escaping from all this. Escaping to anywhere but here.
Alright, that settles it. I’m officially unable to do this session. I should focus on the many positive possibilities.
Joseph might have forgotten about our appointment, or he’ll call in sick at the last moment. Maybe he’s had an accident on his way here. That would mean I won’t have to talk to anyone for a whole hour. Heck, if he’s dead, then all future appointments with him would be automatically cancelled!
And if nothing happens to Joseph, there’s always the possibility of something happening to me. I’m extremely anxious. If the anxiety builds up far enough, I might get a heart attack which is one hell of an excuse to cancel all appointments for the time being. Or forever, depending on the type of heart attack.
One can only hope.
Oh crap, I think that’s actually his car parking outside right now. Nonononononononono
The session went fine.
